Poetry?

I laid on the deck at Cispus today during one of our breaks in the Teaching Leadership class and watched the trees and clouds. Then I wrote this:

I watched the tall tree tops waltz with the clouds on a cobalt blue dance floor and when the wind whispered in my ear I could almost feel you in my arms.

I need to write more poetry. I used to write all the time. I wrote one a few months ago in Spokane. We were in bed--I think Marlee had a soccer game there and we spent the night. A thunderstorm rolled in.

I laid in bed last night and listened to the lightning storm tell me his life story--long periods of silence disrupted by flashes of inspiration--and I prayed my kids will forgive me for the kind of father I've been.

Seattle Trip

You can see how poorly I do at keeping my "regular" journal entries....

Earlier this week we took a quick family trip to Seattle--just an overnighter. We want to do some quick, fun family getaways before Eric reports for his mission.

If you haven't heard, Eric has been called to the Arizona Phoenix mission (English speaking). He reports to the MTC August 4 and will be in Phoenix August 25. 


Anyway, we got tickets for the Mariners game...it was an afternoon game against the Cubs. We headed out Wednesday morning after watching the USA soccer team defeat Algeria in extra time in the World Cup. They needed to win to advance to the Round of 16. At the end of 90 minutes of regulation time, it was a 0-0 tie, but the referee added 4 minutes of stoppage time. It was in that time that the US scored a goal and won.

Here's the link to the video highlights:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7EbCSV9fHg

The drive over the mountains was fun. The plan was to go to Snohomish Falls and hike to the bottom. Unfortuantely the trail was closed so we had to settle for looking at it from the top.

Snohomish Falls ~ June 23, 2010

After the falls we drove in to Seattle and checking in to our hotel, the Grand Hyatt. It was beautiful. Our rooms were on the 20th floor looking towards Elliott Bay. We got all moved in and comfy and then headed to the piers to meet Kayla Lemley for dinner at the Crab Pot restaurant.

It was a warm sunny evening and we had an outdoor table. It was great.After dinner, we walked back to the Grand Hyatt and turned in for the night. The food, the company, the location, the weather--all combined for a memorable evening.

Eric and Kayla at the Crab Pot

Thursday morning (June 24), we checked out and headed to the hotel parking garage. As we exited the elevators into the lobby, we came face to face with Lou Piniella, the manager of the Chicago Cubs and former manager of the Mariners. As we walked by him, we made eye contact and I said, "Hey Lou." He smiled and said, "Hi." Then some fan ran up and put his arm around him and posed for a picture. Hotel security then stepped in and shut it down. Eric wanted to get a photo with him, but was told no. A few hours later at the baseball game Lou came flying out of the dugout to argue a call at third base. Quite a difference from the quiet guy in the hotel lobby that morning.

We drove to University Village for breakfast and a little shopping before heading to the game. Traffic was crazy getting to the stadium, but what else is new? Once we got it (we missed the top half of the 1st inning), the game was awesome. It was close, great pitching, strong defense, timely hitting, great weather. The game went 13 innings before the Cubs pulled out the win. 

Our view from Section 245, Row 1. Great seats!

Of course, what trip to Safeco would be complete without an order of Garlic Fries?

Garlic fries. Yum!!

After the game, we dealt with game and rush hour traffic, but once on the freeway we had a quiet drive home.

It was exactly what I hoped for--a fun, family trip before Eric heads out for his mission.

School Board Meeting

I attended the Richland School Board meeting tonight. The topics of discussion were PLC's and Policy 2311 on Instructional Materials (specifically literary works in English classes). One board member, Phyllis Strickler, is an ultra-conservative fundamentalist who has been pushing for specific language in course syllabi which flags novels which might contain objectionable language or content. Her claim is that busy parents don't have time to read every novel on the list so teachers should alert them to which novels are objectionable.

Don't get me started on how wrong her idea is. It's the first step down the road to censorship.

But, what impressed me tonight was another board member, Rick Donahoe. Before the discussion of 2311 began, he asked to make a statement. He said the board has been arguing over the language of the policy for several weeks now and he can't go any further without saying what's on his mind. He then said in a few words what so many of us have been feeling. He turned to face Strickler and said, "What you want to do is put the school in the business of teaching, preaching, and promoting morality. You want to take the responsibility of raising children from the parents and put it in the laps of the teachers. That is just wrong. It's wrong. Where do draw the line? Let's put a line in the policy that says 'some novels might contain some objectionable material to some people. Parents are encouraged to review the novels used in this class to see if they are appropriate for their child' and let's leave it at that.

At the moment he finished, three of the other board members said they liked that suggestion. Strickler said she was obviously outnumbered. The board then hammered out some minor tweaks to the language and were done.

Mr. Donahoe demonstrated that courage is often a simple thing. It's saying what needs to be said when it needs to be said. He was polite and respectful, but said a difficult thing in a difficult forum....but he said it. And it effectively ended the weeks long discussion/debate between the board and the district English teachers.

Thank you Mr. Donahoe.

A Promise to Marlee

Shannon and I had a 2 hour talk with Marlee tonight about faith. She's working on her Young Women's Personal Progress book. We read several scriptures on faith (Hebrews 11, Alma 32, etc.) It was a great night. We took turns reading the scriptures, we tried to answer her questions, we shared our testimonies. I hope we have more nights like this.

After Marlee went to bed, I had this Facebook chat with Eric:

-----------
10:15pm Eric

hows home

10:16pmTim

mom and I just had a 2 hr talk with Marlee about scriptures and faith and YW

10:16pm Eric

like, good talk? or stern talk?

10:17pmTim

great talk

10:17pm Eric

really?!

what'd she say?

10:17pmTim

she just has lots of questions

10:17pm Eric

did she initiate the conversation?

10:17pmTim

yes....she said yesterday that she wants to do FHE

she's getting into YM Personal Progress

10:18pm Eric

GOOD

so happy to hear that

oh man that makes me happy

i've been praying for that like every night

10:19pmTim

keep praying...

she's trying to come to grip with the idea that she can have a testimony but not cry when she shares her testimony (like all the other teenage girls do)

-------

I'm thankful for a son with such great faith who loves his sister enough to pray that she will increase her faith and testimony. I know that Eric's prayers have been heard, as have mine and Shannon's. I've noticed Marlee's spirituality growing little by little since she began Young Womens in Oct. She's finding her way to a testimony.

Part of her Personal Progress is to begin a journal. I promised her I'd do an entry every night for three weeks if she does too. I hope this might be the catalyst I need to be a better job of making regular journal entries.

The Prodigal Son

Yesterday was a bad day. It started by saying goodbye to Eric for the next four months as he returned to school and ended by leaving my brother Russ in a hospice ward at the veterans hospital to die of lunch cancer. The only thing that made the day even remotely bearable was being with Shannon. I wrote yesterday of the visit with Russ. Right now I'm missing my son.

For Christmas this year Eric gave me a print of this painting of the Prodigal Son by Liz Lemon Swindle. That story has always been a favorite of mine. Behind all of the symbolism of the parable, it's a story about a father and a son. I can't ever recall telling Eric plainly that I love this story, so I'm curious to know why he chose this picture to give me.

My hope is that he knows I love this story because he knows how much I love him. One of the challenges that has come into my life this year is having to say goodbye to Eric. Dropping him off at BYU in August was so hard. I cried more than I thought I would. Then again in November when we took him to the airport to fly back after Thanksgiving, I found myself fighting back the tears again. Yesterday at airport was no different. Every time I have to say goodbye to him, a little bit of me dies and it stays dead until he returns.

At some point in 2010 he'll leave for his mission. It's what he wants to do. It's what he needs to do, and he's so excited about it. But to be honest, I'm secretly dreading it because I know I'm going to miss him. That's selfish...I know, but Eric is and has always been my best friend. Two years without him will be hard.

He Ain't Heavy....

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share

And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy he's my brother

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

Those lyrics are from a song called "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" from 1969 by The Hollies.

My oldest brother Russ used to play that for us and try to get us to understand the words. I always liked the song, even though it's pretty cheesy.

On Dec. 23, 2009 I got this message on Facebook from my niece LeTina:
Melissa received a call from Debi regarding Dad being in the VA hospital in Spokane and it is likely he will not come home. I don't know if we should assume he is terminal or if it's that Debi's condition isn't such that she can't take care of herself, so I assume she would not be able to help with Russ either. Melissa has talked with him on his direct line which is 509-434-7821 She didn't get a lot of details out of him, but he has lung cancer and there has been some discussion of surgery. He says he is not ready to die. It's possible there are problems with his liver as well. I haven't called yet myself, but felt I should share this information in case you might want to contact him.

Sorry to be sharing bad news instead of Holiday Cheer. Hope you are all doing well & enjoying spending time with family and friends. What better time for forgiveness than right now.
Love,
LeTina  

I have seen my brother Russ twice in the last 10 years--once in 2001 at Dad's funeral and again in 2007 at Mom's funeral. He was drunk both times. And both times he had practically nothing to do with the arrangements, choosing to leave those details to me and Tom and Mary and Sue.

We don't talk on the phone or e-mail or write letters. In the last 10 years or so, he has let his alcoholism control his life. He lost his job at EWU and his retirement because of it. He lost contact with his daughters and his siblings.


So 2 days before Christmas I found out that my oldest brother is dying of lung cancer in a Veterans hospital in Spokane. One by one my siblings contacted him and reported back to the others. Russell has 2-3 months to live. He won't be released from the hospital. He'll die in that room...in that bed. Each update from my brothers and sisters ended with a gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) admonition to "let it go" or to "find a way to forgive."


My problem with that is simple: I didn't know I was angry at Russell. And so, on Monday Dec. 28 I called him. I waited a few days because my brother Gary said that Russ didn't want everyone calling him on Christmas and then no one calling after that.

In my conversation with Russ I told him about the admonition from the others to forgive him. I then told him that I never thought I was mad at him and I hoped he didn't think I was. He said he didn't. I said I was sad for him and felt sorry for him, but not angry. He said he understood.


Today (1/2/10) Shannon and I visited Russ in the hospital. We dropped Eric at the Spokane Airport around 10:00 to fly back to Provo for school and then headed to the VA Hospital.

It's a huge facility. We went to the front desk and were told that Russ is in the nursing home (I think they call it the Community Living Center). His room was 156. We went around back to that building. Russell was in the Hospice Wing.

We got there and his room was empty. We sat on the bench outside his room and in a few minutes his wife Debi wheeled him back. They'd been in the smoking room. I don't think he recognized us at first, at least there was no recognition in his eyes until I said my name.

We went into his room and started visiting. Debi said her mom was coming to pick her up and take her to their place til Tuesday. She said she normally does the hospital with Russ from Tue-Sat and her folks' place from Sat thru Tues. She stayed about 15 mins and then her mom came. When she left Russ wanted to go smoke again so I wheeled him down to the smoking room. (The doctor told him that his lungs are so far gone that it wouldn't matter if he quit smoking so he may as well be comfortable for the little time he has left.)

When we got back to his room I gave him a package of photos I had printed at Costco--just lots of pics of him with the family as well as some old ones I got off everyone's Facebook. We spent about half an hour looking at those and telling stories. Then he wanted to smoke again so I took him out to do that.

Back in the room we chatted for about another 20 or 30 minutes and then his lunch came. He said he wanted to eat a bit and take a nap, so we said our goodbyes and left.

It was a good visit--pretty sad. He looks bad and sounds bad. He can't walk. It's a labor getting in and out of the wheelchair. He seemed to enjoy the pictures. He said he sits and thinks about life, remembers the good times, feels bad about the bad times and tries to make sense of a few things he's done. He perked up when I said we're coming back in 2 weeks on MLK weekend. I think he's mostly lonely.

His memory seemed pretty good except for 3 things. First, he didn't recognize me when we got there. Then he called me Tom a few times, but I told Shannon that he's done that his whole life so I'm used to it. The biggest one was as we were leaving his lunch came. The attendant asked if he still needed the guest tray for his wife. We said she had gone and Russ said to leave it because she was coming back. I reminded him that she went to her mom's until Tuesday and he didn't seem to remember that. He just kind of hunched his shoulders and shook his head. So that was a little disconcerting because he seemed pretty coherent the whole time we were there.

Anyway, we had a nice visit. I told him I'd call him in a few days and see him in a couple of weeks. It was hard but I'm glad we went. I thought the hardest part would be seeing him in that condition, but the hardest part was walking out the door.

 It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share

And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy he's my brother

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

 

A New Year....Another Chance

'Tis the season for making (and quickly breaking) resolutions. Every year I resolve to be better at journaling (or in this day and age blogging).

I took some entries from an old blog and imported them into this blog. My goal is to try to make an entry at least once a week--maybe on Sunday afternoons or evenings.

Wish me luck.